Run forest run

Irony, Love it hate it but deal with it.

I’ve been watching people at the gym recently… not in the sense that I am staring awkwardly at them but, while I pound the treadmill I take in my surroundings and above the sea of determination that exudes most of the bodies in there, I see a cloud of uncertainty and even desperation.

I wonder what each person’s goal is and what has inspired or forced them to be there.

A bikini shop would tell you that they are all there to look their best and feel great this summer in that scantily clad attire that we are all dying to pull off...

A bikini shop would also tell you that you are totally a size 8 and that he’s not worth the hassle honey so spend some cash to make yourself feel good.

The sound of the cash register makes you feel great I am telling you..  Hmmph.

Let’s ask ourselves for the answer shall we?
Most of these women are there I notice by the look in their eyes... to prove some self worth to themselves. As if fitting into that smaller dress will make them a better person inside and open gates instead so that the world and opportunities fall at their feet.
Some are there to better themselves in the relationship – he won’t leave me if I look good this summer, he won’t look at other women if I lose these KG’s. He won’t make me cry at night if I have the body to die for.

Life and stress and relationships are the reasons women try to lose this weight, the social media aspect and the ever shrinking sizes in the shops.
Their mission is one of self worth, that’s for sure.. .but all too many of us do not realise, we already hold the key to that ourselves.

While someone providing you validation will boost your spirits in the long run...the draining self image that your mirror and mind provide can be the lethal combination that throws you off the ever unstable one legged pedestal.

As the worst perpetrator of this crime, I have had a very hard time as of late. All of these messages I wish to send to the young and old females around me, are wasted on my own image as I will happily provide reassurance and belief in a subject, but the pores of my mind seem too reluctant to absorb anything that I believe these days.

Nothing I achieve is ever right or good enough for me. My legs turn from Fat to muscle and I panic and compare myself to the most unattractive image a woman could image. I cannot win and my body is mocking me.. making my goals reaching further and further away.

What I must realise. What my aim of the year was to realise; an unachievable goal will never be reached.

This I have realised. But my mind set has not changed and I still wish for parts of my body to reflect a build that I am not. So the struggle continues.

“I’m sane but I’m laughing, I’m brave but I’m chicken shit.. I’m sick but I’m pretty baby. And what it all comes down too… is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet”