Things to come

November, How the hell did you get here so fast?
It seems like only yestesterday i was pacing the streets of melbourne looking for a job and a flat with friends who no longer even live in this country and who are no longer part of my life.

Who can believe how much can change in one year? It's impossible to even concieve the idea at the time...
Things seem so set the way they are and one things leads to another and while you've been stressing about the inches on your waist or the breaks of your hearts the trees have blossomed your skin has burned and a strong couple of months have blown you right to where you are now. Autumn over, pain receeding and ready to start a whole new chapter.

My heart has broken and healed and lost so many peices that i think it got a little smaller because it had to make itself even again and those holes just could not be filled.
But it's still beating and that's a success in my head. There were, and still are times when the past years events hit me so hard that i swear i could see the flash of the lightening that struck me but no. Low and behold im still breathing, even if a little more shallow than my lungs could take before.

A year ago today, i signed myself over to fall in love and, that i did. and out and in and out and finally, in. but hell, i never fell out i was driven to the edge but could never jump off. A year ago today, i did not know some of the people i have been blessed to call my best friends. Who have jumped at the sound of the lightening flash and whisked me away towards calmer weather and distractions alike.

In some respects this year has been the best one of my life. My confidence has grown and diminished and i realise now i have a longer way to go than anyone, including myself, could ever have imagined. 
But everything is open now, and clear for all to see. The marks that i hid with make up and pride have begun the slow process of healing towards trust and intimacy. You can't fake it, so only time will tell.

Christmas is coming and with that, summer comes shining through. breakfast dates and picnic dates and lounging in the sun. I get to meet a family i one day hope to call my own and hope to feel an embrace that has long escaped my own family life. I finally return home in two months time to see the people who have been faces in my mind for months on end and i can smell the hustle and bustle of my home town again.

This year i have smiled and cried more than i ever dreamt i could, and with continuous therapy throughout the next few months i believe those tears can be dried in time for 2012.

365 days
500 Bottles of coke zero
457835347567384 cigarettes
Several boxes of kleenex
4 flights interstate
1 electric guitar
7 Tattoos
Countless arguments
and more rum that i wish to admit...
It's time to start a new chapter.