Here we go again.

After coming so far, how can i be thrown back into the deep end of something i thought i had conquered and controlled. Two steps forward and Twenty miles back..
i feel it creeping up again and there is nothing i can do to stop it. I just don't have the strength i once had.

Never have i looked in the mirror and been pleased with the reflection, never have i smiled at the outcome of my hard work. Hard is not enough, determination continues to fail me and i just cannot solve the problem i have grown into.

Regardless of the help i've sought.. i dare speak the words to anyone who loves me because i can hear them growing bored and tired of this same old discussion. Don't you think im tired of it? I'm screaming at the top of my lungs for a resoloution to the constant issue that has held me back for so many years.. but nothing answers and nothing echo's.


I havent seen clearly for so long.


So i'm going quiet again, and i will conceed. It wins again and i am the shell that holds it all in.